THURSDAY 13 ~ FUN THOUGHTS


Thursday Thirteen

I know everybody and their brother got this email, but it was too fun to pass up for a Thursday 13.
  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  7. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  8. Bad decisions make good stories.
  9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  10. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes – to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  11. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!),but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  12. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  13. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet, on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Light than with a Kay jewelry product.
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THURSDAY 13+ – FUN SIGNS

THURSDAY 13

  1. Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
  2. In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
  3. On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
  4. At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit, please back in.”
  5. At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
  6. On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
  7. On another Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
  8. On a Church’s Billboard: “7 days without God makes one weak.”
  9. At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
  10. At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
  11. On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
  12. In a Non-smoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
  13. On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
  14. On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
  15. On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”
  16. At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
  17. Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
  18. In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
  19. At the Electric Company “We would be delighted if you send in your payment However, if you don’t, you will be.”
  20. In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
  21. In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
  22. At a Propane Filling Station: “Thank heaven for little grills.”
  23. CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
  24. Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck:“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”
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Thursday 13 PLUS

THURSDAY 13
13 fun signs from a recent email:
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
 
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
 
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
 
At a Proctologist’s door:
“To expedite your visit, please back in.”
 
 At an Optometrist’s Office:

“If you don’t see what you’re looking for,
you’ve come to the right place.”
 
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
 
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
 
On a Church’s Billboard:
“7 days without God makes one weak.”
 
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
 
At a Towing company:

“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
 
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
 
In a Non-smoking Area:

“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
 
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
 
On a Taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
 
On a Fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”
 
  At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet –
 miss a car payment.”
 
Outside a Muffler Shop:
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
 
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
 
At the Electric Company
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment
However, if you don’t, you will be.”
 
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry;
 come on in and get fed up.”
 
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
 
At a Propane Filling Station:
“Thank heaven for little grills.”

And don’t forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

“Best place in town to take a leak.”
 

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

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WHO KNEW? 13 Old wives tales easy fixes + 5 BONUS fixes

Thank you Janet and Megan for resurrecting it!
  1. Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson Corn Oil in your cat’s or dog’s ear… massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat’s skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.
  2. Kills fleas instantly…Dawn dish washing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog’s bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.
  3. Rainy day cure for dog odor: Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
  4. Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?
  5. Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?
  6. Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They’ll clear up your stuffed nose.
  7. Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles.
  8. Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
  9. Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product has never been advertised for this use.
  10. Honey remedy for skin blemishes… cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
  11. Listerine therapy for toenail fungus: Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
  12. Easy eyeglass protection… to prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
  13. Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer… if menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can’t find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.
  14. Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer’s Glue- All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
  15. Hunt’s Tomato Paste boil cure… cover the boil with Hunt’s Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
  16. Balm for broken blisters… to disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.
  17. Vinegar to heal bruises… soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
  18. Quaker Oats for fast pain relief… it’s not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
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Thursday 13 ~ Ways to get Sandal ready feet

  1. Exfoliate
  2. Hydrate
  3. Shape the nails
  4. Use a pumice stone
  5. Use clear polish regularly
  6. Also apply polish to the side edge of the nail also
  7. Apply healing cream to cracks
  8. Push back cuticles
  9. Trim hangnails
  10. Don’t go barefoot
  11. Relax in a foot bath periodically
  12. Let your toes breathe without polish now and then
  13. SPA PEDICURE ~ MY FAVORITE!!

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13 unrelated positive thoughts from old calendar pages…

  1. The Sweetness of life is only noticed if we taste it.
  2. Creativity is one of the ways I can put my spirituality into practice.
  3. A homemade soup makes winter seem cozy. How long has it been since you made or ate soup? Homemade soups remind us of important times.
  4. When I admit my mistakes and make amends for them, I am reclaiming my life.
  5. Historically, weekends werer designed to have 2 days of rest and relaxation. Interesting concept!
  6. For so many of us, we have struggled for so long that we have become addicted to the struggle. Every once in awhile it is important to stop and see if we are struggling for struggle’s sake. We do have options.
  7. My grief and pain are mine. I have earned them. They are a part of me. Only in feeling them do I open myself to the lessons they can teach.
  8. To live in balance is to own every aspect of our existence, not ignoring anything-the good and the bad-accepting it all, and growing with it.
  9. When we are clear about what is important to us, our concept of what is necessary changes.
  10. When we look at how our fear of making mistakes has deprived us of many of the most important learnings in our lives, we give thanks that we no longer have to be so fearful of doing something wrong.
  11. If something is true for us, we must trust that truth. Others may not see or know that truth. That’s okay…they may just not be there yet. What is true for another has nothing to do with what is true for us.
  12. It is only when we live our life in the open, accept responsibility for the decisions that we have made, and own our behavior that we begin to know health.
  13. Happiness is a gift. It comes like a sudden soft breeze on a stagnant day. Let it sit with us for a while. Do not try to hold on to it or it will vanish like a vapor.

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Thirteen unrelated, but helpful tips…

  1. Visine is a fast fix for a sudden break out. It constricts the blood vessels soothing the redness and swelling.
  2. Toothpaste will do the same thing.
  3. Club soda will help loosen a rusty bolt.
  4. A club soda dampened cloth used to wipe down chrome faucets will remove water spots and soap scum.
  5. Soak your genuine gems in club soda over night and they will sparkle by morning.
  6. Rinse your hair in club soda after swimming will prevent chlorine from turning your hair green.
  7. 6 cloves of garlic in 2 tablespoons of olive oil cured together for 2 days and then applied to your feet for 7 days will cure athlete’s foot.
  8. Apply a thin layer of egg white under your eyes. Allow it to dry and rinse with lukewarm water. The amino acids nourish the skin and tighten the pores to reduce inflammation.
  9. Kiwi slices are packed with skin smoothing anti-oxidants and vitamin C which soothes puffy skin and lightens dark circles.
  10. 2 tablespoons of plain yogurt will soothe a sunburn.
  11. 1 tablespoon of plain yogurt will de-spot copper pots. Rub it in and et it sit 5 minutes. Rinse with cool water and buff dry.
  12. Substituting yogurt in your favorite dip will reduce the fat by half.
  13. Harness the power of positive thinking by retraining your brain to focus on what you want, dreaming big, following the golden rule and filtering out the negative.

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